We Are Broken
by Jess.91
Summary: Shortly after Harry's birth, Lily and James reflect on the world they've brought him into, and if any of them could come through this alive. One-shot songfic - We Are Broken, by Paramore.


The lyrics belong to Paramore, and this idea just came to me while listening to the song.

We Are Broken

Summary: Shortly after Harry's birth, Lily and James reflect on the world they've brought him into, and if any of them could come through this alive. One-shot songfic - We Are Broken, by Paramore.

Lily Potter stood on the back door step of her small home, looking out across the little garden. The grass was slightly too long, but the plants scattered around the small area weren't cluttered. The sun was just beginning to rise, and the air was cool, but Lily didn't think of going back inside.

Instead, she stayed, watching the sun mount the sky slowly, as though the climb was taxing. Another day, she found herself thinking. Another day of danger and fear and death.

The world, her world, the magical, secret world she'd loved since she was eleven, was a terrible mess. It was August, and only weeks ago, she'd brought a son into this world. Into a world where the future was uncertain, into a world filled with pain, loss, misery.

She could barely organise her thoughts, never mind voice her fears to James, but Lily found herself tormented by the idea of losing her little family. She was a new mother, married to someone she loved beyond life itself, and who felt the same way about her. She should be happy, singing and dancing around the house, not watching the sun rise because she couldn't sleep.

I am outside

And I've been waiting for the sun

With my wide eyes

I've seen worlds that don't belong

My mouth is dry, with words I cannot verbalise

Tell me why we live like this

She sensed him. She'd always been able to, even back when they was eleven and had irritated her almost to the point of insanity. Back then, she'd though she could sense when he was near because he was just _that_ irritating, that the very air around him tried to move away from him.

When she grew a little older, and it became apparent that he had a thing for her, she'd thought being able to sense him was a good way of staying away from him. And then, when they'd both matured, and he wasn't mean or annoying, but funny, and she found herself thinking about him, she assumed she could sense when he was near because she had a crush on him.

Now, she knew she'd always been able to sense him because they were soul mates.

He didn't speak, just stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She leaned into him, because she knew she could.

Keep me safe inside

Your arms like towers

Tower over me

She had her wand in her pocket, and she knew he had his, too. Even though, to anyone watching, they may have seemed like a happy, carefree couple, relaxed and idly watching the sunrise, they were both tense, both prepared for an attack.

"Harry?" She murmured.

"Living room. In his Moses basket. He's safe." James assured her quietly.

He wasn't safe, Lily found herself thinking. None of them were safe, would be safe, until Voldemort was gone. She strained her ears for any sound of their son, then glanced down when she could hear his breathing, and realised James had the baby monitor in his hand. She could have relaxed, knowing they'd hear any sound of Harry through the ultra-sensitive monitors, knowing that they had a dozen or more spells cast around the house that would alert them to any unwelcome presence.

But all of Lily's trusting innocence was gone without a trace, and she didn't relax at all. She'd long since stopped believing that spells - no matter how much the books promised they were 100 per cent effective - could truly keep them safe.

Yeah, 'cause we are broken

What must we do to restore

Our innocence

And oh, the promise we adored

Give us life again

'Cause we just wanna be whole

She couldn't stand it anymore, her fears taunting her, and she lead James back inside in silence. She moved straight to Harry's little basket, where the tiny boy, wide awake, looked up at her in wonder.

"He's OK." James murmured, and she nodded, even as she lifted him from the basket and held him tightly. "Lily, he's going to stay OK. We'll be fine."

"You don't know that." She replied tiredly. She knew he was trying to make her feel better, to ease her tension and fear, but it wouldn't work. Both of them, after all, fought with the Order of the Phoenix, both had seen and done too much of late to believe in empty promises and innocent assurance.

"I know." James replied softly. "But I have to believe it, Lily. I'd go crazy if I didn't believe it. We'll do anything it takes to keep Harry safe, won't we?"

"Of course. But what if it's not enough?" She asked her, turning to face him as she finally voiced her darkest fears.

"It will be enough. I know - and you know too, in your heart - that he's going to survive. We'll make sure of it."

She couldn't help it. In that moment, she believe him. Lily closed her eyes and nodded, desperate to keep hold of that faith in his words, desperate to commit his promise to memory. She lifted her gaze to the ceiling, where faint, shimmering coloured lights showed her their spells were still in place.

Lock the doors

'Cause I'd like to capture this voice

It came to me tonight

So everyone will have a choice

And under red lights

I'll show myself it wasn't forged

It wouldn't last. Her desperate believe would ebb away, until, by tonight, she'd be unable to sleep again. Promises were broken, all the time. People were broken all the time.

There was no guarantee of survival, no place of safety. War was intrusive, and didn't give thought to whose lives it claimed.

We're at war

We live like this

James crossed to her, as though he could see her doubts. He didn't offer more promises, words of comfort, but instead wrapped his arms around the two of them, as though his very embrace would save their lives.

Keep me safe inside

Your arms like towers

Tower over me

He hated to see her like this, her thoughts so dark, her mind so tormented. Hated that this damn war, the things she seen, had broken her, ever so slightly. Hated that it had broken him, too.

"I love you." He murmured into her hair, and heard her mumble a reply.

He couldn't face up to the thought of losing her, losing Harry, or even losing his life and leaving them alone. Couldn't face up to the idea that his friends may die. He preferred to live in denial, to force himself to believe that they could win the war, that they could all live, and be happy, be whole, again.

That was all he wanted.

Cause we are broken

What must we do to restore

Our innocence

And oh, the promise we adored

Give us life again

'Cause we just wanna be whole

Lily lay her head against hishest. He was taller than her and she'd always found that comforting. That his shadow would fall over her and hide her from the world. It used to make her feel safe.

She didn't feel safe, ever, anymore, but there was something reassuring about his embrace. If she closed her eyes and concentrated, she could almost pretend to find safety there.

Tower over me

Tower over me

She didn't, though. Didn't close her eyes and pretend, because she couldn't get lost in denial like he could, in reassurance and breakable promises. She wasn't an innocent child anymore, who could believe in anything.

She didn't want to, either. It was better to know what was really happening, what could really happen, even if it meant living in fear and being unable to sleep. Because it also meant they got to give survival their best shot. It meant they could protect their home, and be prepared to defend if they were attacked. It meant they were able to fight in this war, and try their best to win.

Even if fighting left them a little broken inside.

And I'll take the truth at any cost

Cause we are broken

What must we do to restore

Our innocent

And oh, the promise we adored

She just wanted it to be over. Wanted to be safe, and relaxed, and happy. She wanted them to be complete again.

Give us life again

'Cause we just wanna be whole


End file.
